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04/13
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i'm in for -- i mean tax fraud. he wants to use the sodomy laws as a loophole to prosecute someone who had sex with a minor. while sodomy is technically illegal under virginia law sex with a 15-year-old is fine. it's a complicated -- >> kuchinelli's nickname is the kuch. i'll pause for a minute while you make an inappropriate joke. >> jon: oh, i'm going make a vagina joke. grow up, lady. what is next? [cheers and applause] [laughter] kansas arkansas and north dakota. that's a red state try fecta. >> arkansas now has the toughest anti-abortion law in the country on the books banning abortions afterel 12th week. >> north dakota ban as abortions as early as four weeks. >> kansas concluded that life begins at fertilization. >> jon: kentucky says life begins when a man and woman's hands accidentally touch when reaching for the fries at the denny's. i just wanted to sell it. the states are saying you have to have the baby making sex and you have to have the resulting baby. any state laws that might cover what to do with t
i'm in for -- i mean tax fraud. he wants to use the sodomy laws as a loophole to prosecute someone who had sex with a minor. while sodomy is technically illegal under virginia law sex with a 15-year-old is fine. it's a complicated -- >> kuchinelli's nickname is the kuch. i'll pause for a minute while you make an inappropriate joke. >> jon: oh, i'm going make a vagina joke. grow up, lady. what is next? [cheers and applause] [laughter] kansas arkansas and north dakota. that's a red...
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Aug 21, 2013
08/13
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>> we need to overhaul our tax code. >> the tax code is broken. it's not fair. >> it is inefficient. our tax code is one of the worst in the world. >> simplify the tax code. we need to change our tax code. >> john: whoa, watch your mouth. you can't just talk to codes like that. they're very sensitive. this is exactly the kind of criticism that drove the morse code to suicide. for all of you morse code fans. yes, look, we all think the tax code needs pruning every now and again. that is why we do it, i imagine, every three to five years. >> our tax code hasn't been reformed since 1986. that's 27 years. >> wow. to put that in perspective, the tax reform act of 1986 happened the same year that this was happening. >> i'm cow boy george. and i'm boy george. pick your pick. choose your pick. be there, by george. john: we haven't addressed this fundamental economic issue in any significant way since the way when boy george could guest star on the a-team. by the way you couldn't get any more 1980s than that if a rubic's cube made love to a nintendo entert
>> we need to overhaul our tax code. >> the tax code is broken. it's not fair. >> it is inefficient. our tax code is one of the worst in the world. >> simplify the tax code. we need to change our tax code. >> john: whoa, watch your mouth. you can't just talk to codes like that. they're very sensitive. this is exactly the kind of criticism that drove the morse code to suicide. for all of you morse code fans. yes, look, we all think the tax code needs pruning every...
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we place upon them this complex tax rebuilding csm we really have a plcy that at its foundation is we go into a country attack it, conquer it in the manner that the superior technology and our fighting forces, and then stay there and knit it back together? isn't that asking too much from these guys? >> i don't think so. they do what has to be done. you only fight to achieve an end. if you think about world war ii. everybody likes world war ii because it seems neat and clean and we won and it was over. i wasn't that way in reality. essentially counter insurgency was performed for a decade. the marshall plan was nothing more than helping europe regrow so that it would be protected against the growth of extremism and things. in reality, soldiers are natural people to help bind things back together. you fight when you have to but you solve the problem wherever you can. >> jon: can you stick around for a little bit? we'll go to
we place upon them this complex tax rebuilding csm we really have a plcy that at its foundation is we go into a country attack it, conquer it in the manner that the superior technology and our fighting forces, and then stay there and knit it back together? isn't that asking too much from these guys? >> i don't think so. they do what has to be done. you only fight to achieve an end. if you think about world war ii. everybody likes world war ii because it seems neat and clean and we won and...
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they do not like you cutting tax. you could not stand when you we are your mommy's slacks. [ laughter ] you cannot reach across the aisle because everything you do is vile. they complained when you killed owe psalma so on a train or plane or lamba, rolling a 44 at bowl-a-rahma despite your nice white kansas mama, comma, they do not like you, barack obama. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight new film is called "identity thief". >> don't shut door, leave it. >> now, this is his favorite part. he likes to be humiliating verbally. >> no i don't. >> you sissy boy. >> that's enough of this. >> sissy boy. it's time to give him the big show. boom boom! >> no need for the show. put it back on. whoo! whoo! whoo! >> jon: please welcome back to the show, jason bateman. [cheers and applause] magic! magic. you are a magic man. you are a magic man! [cheers and applause] i mean there's nothing worse than a quarter standing ovation. good lord, thank you for leading that. [cheers and applause] >> jon: i'm worki
they do not like you cutting tax. you could not stand when you we are your mommy's slacks. [ laughter ] you cannot reach across the aisle because everything you do is vile. they complained when you killed owe psalma so on a train or plane or lamba, rolling a 44 at bowl-a-rahma despite your nice white kansas mama, comma, they do not like you, barack obama. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight new film is called "identity thief". >> don't shut door,...
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Sep 20, 2013
09/13
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some business kos get hit with a 40% additional tax on your health-care plan. please get the obamacare survival guide today. (laughter) >> jon: thank you, dr. kevin mccullough-- kevorkian look alike who i thought was dead. listen, it's clear from this guy's tone that obamacare will destroy all that we once held dear in this country, by requiring health insurance from employers for the 15% of americans who don't currently get that. if you have more than 50 employees, the act requires companies to give health care to all their full-time workers or pay a penalty. no way around it. or maybe there's two ways around it. >> chuck, replay that airtight obamacare requirement that i just mentioned. >> the act requires companies to give health care to all their full-time workers or pay a penalty. (laughter) i don't remember wearing a yachting cap when i said that. anyway, there's an out for employers. they can pay a penalty which amounts to $2,000 per employee. now that sounds like a lot of money so you compare it to how much it currently cost employers to insurance their
some business kos get hit with a 40% additional tax on your health-care plan. please get the obamacare survival guide today. (laughter) >> jon: thank you, dr. kevin mccullough-- kevorkian look alike who i thought was dead. listen, it's clear from this guy's tone that obamacare will destroy all that we once held dear in this country, by requiring health insurance from employers for the 15% of americans who don't currently get that. if you have more than 50 employees, the act requires...
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Oct 24, 2013
10/13
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$9 billion. >> because the majority of deal is expected to be tax deductible. >> son of a bitch n. this confirms what i said settlements for malfeasance and donations do breast cancer charities are equal in the eyes of the law. the passion and drive from so many cnbc and financial analysts goes solely in one direction and not in the direction you normally associate with journalism. here is maria reacting. >> i think any time you are looking at the greatest fine in wall street regulation it's worth asking should this guy stay in his job. >> the company continues to churn out tens of billions in earning and hundreds of billions in revenue, how do you criticize that? >> jon: because profit is the only way we judge things. only at cnbc is breaking bad the story how one man through hard work and bad business practices sloally insulates himself from criticism watch as they suggest there may be other ways of looking at morgan chase. >> a lot of earnings and \revenue/receive knew we've seen come from shady dealings. >> come on. >> it's a fact. it's in the news. >> what is the fact? >> they
$9 billion. >> because the majority of deal is expected to be tax deductible. >> son of a bitch n. this confirms what i said settlements for malfeasance and donations do breast cancer charities are equal in the eyes of the law. the passion and drive from so many cnbc and financial analysts goes solely in one direction and not in the direction you normally associate with journalism. here is maria reacting. >> i think any time you are looking at the greatest fine in wall street...
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May 14, 2013
05/13
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you know how on my taxes i put down i have that a farm? actually, i had a salad. (laughter) so -- sorry. (laughter) but don't worry, it gets funnier. >> i said that about a quarter of the cases that were selected for full development had either "tea party" or "patriot" in their name. >> okay, sorry, thank you for the clarification but that would be a quarter of the 300, then. so we're talking 75 or so? >> that's correct. is that a quarter? >> yes. >> thank you, i'm not good at math. (laughter and applause) >> jon: that's a good one, lady who works at the place that calculate's people's taxes. well, congratulations, president barack obama. conspiracy theorists who generally can survive? an aerobic environments have just had an algae bloom dropped on their (bleep)ing heads. thus removing the last arrow in your pro-governance quiver. skepticism about your opponents, gun control, why can't we have background checks? >> i believe it would put us inexorably on the path to a national gun registry. >> jon: oh, right, a national gun registry, the government is going to ove
you know how on my taxes i put down i have that a farm? actually, i had a salad. (laughter) so -- sorry. (laughter) but don't worry, it gets funnier. >> i said that about a quarter of the cases that were selected for full development had either "tea party" or "patriot" in their name. >> okay, sorry, thank you for the clarification but that would be a quarter of the 300, then. so we're talking 75 or so? >> that's correct. is that a quarter? >> yes....
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they get the tax credit this year. they have plans to choose from. >> jon: so you are doing it because you haven't been able to get the subsidies ready for the businesses? >> the businesses don't get subsidies they are just going to -- >> jon: they delay because they are not getting extra money but individuals don't because they will? >> again, they are in the market already. >> jon: let me ask you this: am i a stupid man? yonch think so. i don't think so. but people waiting for a long time finally have a market to choose from. >> jon: that is the good news. people in a want this finally have a chance to get it. seems like it's a good thing. but if you are someone like me you think health care shouldn't be in a market-based solution because health care doesn't lend itself to market-based solutions because people can't shop. >> they can now. >> jon: people can shop for insurance. >> you can figure out if your doctor is in the plan that you want. if the network of hospitals is in the plan you want. what kind of drug you
they get the tax credit this year. they have plans to choose from. >> jon: so you are doing it because you haven't been able to get the subsidies ready for the businesses? >> the businesses don't get subsidies they are just going to -- >> jon: they delay because they are not getting extra money but individuals don't because they will? >> again, they are in the market already. >> jon: let me ask you this: am i a stupid man? yonch think so. i don't think so. but...
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of our economy and we take tax revenues from those people to help people throughout the entire rest of spectrum. >> we billionaires are new york city. whereas new york is yankee stadium with the best seats bought up by bankers who don't even use them. new york is the statue of liberty. closed for a private event. >> jon: that was closed because of hurricane sandy. >> that's what they told you because you were not invited. >> jon: what was the event? >> i can't tell you but it was a secret sex party with masks. i don't know who i was having sex with a woman who looked like sumner redstone with a mask on p. the point is he is going to turn this city into a living hell. >> jon: he's not. all he is doing is adding a half percent tax increase on wealthier residents for pre,-k. >> a living hell. new yorkers traveling underground packed together in urine scented sub terrainan sewage trolleys and line up to eat wet tubes of meat dispensed from soviet era metal carts. ew. >> jon: i think you are describing how most people in new york live right now. [ laughter ] >> what about crime, jon? are
of our economy and we take tax revenues from those people to help people throughout the entire rest of spectrum. >> we billionaires are new york city. whereas new york is yankee stadium with the best seats bought up by bankers who don't even use them. new york is the statue of liberty. closed for a private event. >> jon: that was closed because of hurricane sandy. >> that's what they told you because you were not invited. >> jon: what was the event? >> i can't tell...
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they christian, jewish, buddhist or limited liability formed under subchapter s of the united states tax code. therefore-- therefore the corporate person known as hobby lobby should not be forced to provide contraception because it is accepted jesus into its hearts and has been saved. and folks-- there are so many other corporations who practice religion. i mean off the top of my head there is quaker oats, there is christ-ler. there is church's chicken and virgin, which of course worships a bizarre goat headed god. so i believe, i believe it is time we acknowledged the deep faith held by all of our corporate citizen those matter what faith they are. hindus believe in reincarnation so why should a hindu corporation be forced to follow workplace safety laws. if there's an accident, the worker will just come back as an ant. and-- (laughter) remember, buddhists reject the material world. why should a buddhist corporation be forced to pay anyone money. and out of respect for their deeply held beliefs, we allow native americans to legally drop peyote, therefore we should a la coke industries t
they christian, jewish, buddhist or limited liability formed under subchapter s of the united states tax code. therefore-- therefore the corporate person known as hobby lobby should not be forced to provide contraception because it is accepted jesus into its hearts and has been saved. and folks-- there are so many other corporations who practice religion. i mean off the top of my head there is quaker oats, there is christ-ler. there is church's chicken and virgin, which of course worships a...
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what should the top tax rate be? but these senators know it is too risky for the other senators to be public about their public policy so they assuredded lawmakers that any submission they receive will be kept under lock and key by the committee and the national archives until the end of 2064. that's right. no one will see the senators' opinions on the tax code for 50 years. and by then, folks, the senators will all be dead. now, to further guarantee privacy, baucus and hatch have offered to give each submission its own i.d. number, keep it on password-protected servers and store printedded versions in locked safes. this level of secrecy will give the senators the freedom to do the people's business. that way, they can represent the voters without pressure from the lobbyists or represent the lobbyists without pressure from the voters. it could go either way. we'll find out in 2064. of course, the only danger is if the tax bill somehow later comes up for a vote, then members of congress will be in the perilous positio
what should the top tax rate be? but these senators know it is too risky for the other senators to be public about their public policy so they assuredded lawmakers that any submission they receive will be kept under lock and key by the committee and the national archives until the end of 2064. that's right. no one will see the senators' opinions on the tax code for 50 years. and by then, folks, the senators will all be dead. now, to further guarantee privacy, baucus and hatch have offered to...
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the death tax and making universal health care coverage sound like a (bleep) sandwich. [laughter] >> the language that you used before, you are calling it a public option which is what the white house calls it, are you sure it isn't a government option? if you call the the government option the public against it. >> great point i'll call it the government option. >> jon: thanks, frank. i'm going to call health care the government option because i don't want everyone to have it. i appreciate you telling me how to (bleep) everybody over. thank. while that's been performed,el good people at ferrell news believe in transparency. we'll start with rebranding the or we willan process itself. >> you know about words and messaging and how to do it, frank. let's talk about the the number one thing the language errors you have pointed out versus adjustment. >> jon: you see it's language errors. you need to adjust your language errors. i think the church of scientology called, they want their deliberately obfuscating words back. they are not (bleep) you. they are adjusting language
the death tax and making universal health care coverage sound like a (bleep) sandwich. [laughter] >> the language that you used before, you are calling it a public option which is what the white house calls it, are you sure it isn't a government option? if you call the the government option the public against it. >> great point i'll call it the government option. >> jon: thanks, frank. i'm going to call health care the government option because i don't want everyone to have...
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Dec 10, 2013
12/13
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even know what america has done to pakistan is that it has created this dependence instead of raising taxes, instead of exporting more, we just wait for assistance and we have a large military. we have nuclear weapons. so it's like somebody who is just exercising one arm which is the military totally ignoring education. in 1947 there was a 2% difference in literacy. today the difference say 20% difference that is the kind of mistakes that sometimes happen when foreign policy is made business based on delusion. >> jon: let me say this again you're welcome. >> thank have you he -- thank you very much. >> jon: it's on the bookshelves now. husain haqqani it's v
even know what america has done to pakistan is that it has created this dependence instead of raising taxes, instead of exporting more, we just wait for assistance and we have a large military. we have nuclear weapons. so it's like somebody who is just exercising one arm which is the military totally ignoring education. in 1947 there was a 2% difference in literacy. today the difference say 20% difference that is the kind of mistakes that sometimes happen when foreign policy is made business...
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percent tax, which includes -- >> stephen: 25? a 25 percent tax on a doobaj? >> that's about right, is it not worth it, stephen? >> stephen: it is more tax than toke liberalism in my opinion, why don't you just make it 85 percent and give me your car when you are high. they will never know the difference. take it! >> a certain percentage is definitely going toward the building of schools, i believe it is the first 40 million raised from recreational sales. >> stephen: what were your responsibilities as the pot editor for the denver post be? >> i am hiring a pot critic from colorado, if you know anybody. >> stephen: yeah, yeah, i know a few people but i need them in my editing room. >> you certainly want a reviewer, you want a critic of pot. >> yes. >> stephen: anybody you like? >> i got one via twitter. >> stephen:. >> stephen: dude, i am baked out of my skull. >> you would not be surprised. >> stephen: it gives kids an excuse all over the nation who get caught smoking pot the theyn just tell their parents, mom, i am preparing for
percent tax, which includes -- >> stephen: 25? a 25 percent tax on a doobaj? >> that's about right, is it not worth it, stephen? >> stephen: it is more tax than toke liberalism in my opinion, why don't you just make it 85 percent and give me your car when you are high. they will never know the difference. take it! >> a certain percentage is definitely going toward the building of schools, i believe it is the first 40 million raised from recreational sales. >>...
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. >> he used her tax rebate money to buy this bag at barneys and stopped by the cops. >> it is hard to take advantage of all the black friday steals when you are being accused of stealing. >> when i left the store three blocks away from the store four undercover cops told me they would like to see what i purchased. >> what did your white friend say? >> my white friend? >> everyone knows bring a white friend when you shop at a place like thank i should have. next time i know. >> so the problem isn't racially profiling in stores it's that black people had forgotten how to shop. >> i thought they would help me and they didn't. they asked know leave. >> just because you look look a gap model, doesn't mean you won't be profiled. >> i went to a store and i asked to see jeans and she said they are so expensive. >> you thought because you were well put together you could shop anywhere you want. you do know you are black, right? >> i know. >> watch out cops. cops. >> clearly it's time to give black americans my own black friday shopping tips. start simple, when entering a store alert everyone t
. >> he used her tax rebate money to buy this bag at barneys and stopped by the cops. >> it is hard to take advantage of all the black friday steals when you are being accused of stealing. >> when i left the store three blocks away from the store four undercover cops told me they would like to see what i purchased. >> what did your white friend say? >> my white friend? >> everyone knows bring a white friend when you shop at a place like thank i should have....
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Nov 10, 2013
11/13
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this is a user tax. it's not unfair to tax people for using something for somebody else doesn't use. why should i pay for a road i'm not driving on. but steve is right, there are incidents where the fund is raided for other purposes. do user taxes but keep it segregated for the legitimate purpose. >> i want to get back to what harry re said. he said everybody wants to pay more. do you want to pay more for a wasteful, dysfunctional government? >> i'm not a 1%er like rick -- >> you are ner going to be either. >> good for you, rick. >> if we paid substantially reced rates but user fees would make sense. but th problem now is we are give toog much to federal government. i don't want to give them other funds to raise. >> rich, what do you think? >> i find myself shockingly in agreement with rick ungar on this. i don't think somebody does not fly shld have to pay fees to the t.s.a. but as steve points out, you ow, this stuff is abused all the time. hat the steve, isn't the money is going -- again, you have mor
this is a user tax. it's not unfair to tax people for using something for somebody else doesn't use. why should i pay for a road i'm not driving on. but steve is right, there are incidents where the fund is raided for other purposes. do user taxes but keep it segregated for the legitimate purpose. >> i want to get back to what harry re said. he said everybody wants to pay more. do you want to pay more for a wasteful, dysfunctional government? >> i'm not a 1%er like rick -- >>...